Introspective Sunday.
One of my dearest recently ended a relationship. Or rather her relationship ended. Of all my friends who have found themselves unexpectedly solo in the last few months, she took me most by surprise. My heart breaks for her.
When the Summer of Break-Ups began I fell in line as a blue ribbon best friend, lucky that I avoided the trauma, listening tirelessly to myriad diatribes against the heartless idiots, the two-timing cads, the immature man-children who could not make up their minds. I woke up in the middle of the night to tearful text messages. I remember a particular early morning phone call. I answered. Countless brunch conversations revolved around the age-old question: How on earth could he be such a goddamned fucking jackass?! And I had a million reasons, which I rattled off with enthusiasm. Facebook ruins lives! Delete him from your life, not just your Twitter! If he texts you one more time, you give me that phone. Oh, but it is not so easy.
Tonight I returned early from a girls’ night out to put my hair in a ponytail and write, and I began with an email to my friend mentioned above, and this is what I wrote to her, and in the near future, when, no doubt, another great girl loses her love to some asinine prick with a wandering eye, I will direct her to this missive:
I assume this is not an easy night for you. It hurts me to think of how badly you must feel, and I know how very desperately you must miss [Gentleman]. There isn’t anything to say that will really make you feel better; if I am totally honest I’ll probably only compound problems. Therefore proceed with caution or just skip the next paragraph altogether.
You were with him and you loved him once and now he is a stranger. Even when you hear from him he will still be a stranger. Because he is no longer who he was when he was with you. That’s a good thing - better to believe that the [Gentleman] you loved no longer exists. It hurts though. It’s going to hurt every day. It will hurt tomorrow, and it will hurt six months from now. You’ll hear a joke or walk past a billboard with his name on it in a totally unrelated manner, and you’ll start crying. You will rack your brain time and time again for explanations to the questions you will never understand. You will never understand this. The sooner you accept that, the better.
Realize the following:
1. If [Gentleman] realizes what a huge mistake he made, and you take him back, and everything between the two of you works out, you win.
2. If [Gentleman] realizes what a huge mistake he made, and you have already moved on and you’re happy, you win.
3. If [Gentleman] does not realize what a huge mistake he made, and he goes through life not knowing it and remaining a shitty asshole without you in his life, you will still survive, and you’re going to find someone else, no doubt about it, and you win.
But it will take a while for this to sink in.
I don’t know what’s going to happen between you and [Gentleman]. I don’t know him, and I didn’t know you together. But I do know that you will be fine.
How do I know this? I am fine. You get your heart wrung out like a dish rag, and then you meet someone else. And in the morning you have to wake up and go to work, no questions asked. If you can do that, you can do anything.
