Semper erit aestas.

2010

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January 3

2009

December 78
November 85
October 98
September 110
August 118
July 135
June 141
May 167
April 209
March 135
February 123
January 165

2008

December 94
November 108
October 179
September 160
August 160
July 144
June 143
May 119
April 105
March 69
February 56
January 46

2007

December 9
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
I wrote this. TGIF, motherfuckers.
May 2nd
“To ensure I get a good run in, I’ll drop myself off in a bad...”
— Chelsea Handler in People...
May 1st
May 1st

Have I read "The Secret"? Absolutely...

Do I know what its philosophies the writer prescribes for a well-rounded existence? Only in the...
May 1st
Cary Randolph: I jay-walk on a regular basis.
Sister JBF: That's some street cred.
May 1st

GRAY SHINGLED BEACH HOUSES...

…ARE MY ARCHITECTURAL G SPOT.
May 1st
Tuesday night over calamari and...
May 1st
“It’s a rough, wild world. Baby, it’s a violent...”
— T. Adebimpe/C. Martin/C....
May 1st
Broseidon, my king of the Brocean. And so we kick off...
May 1st
“Well, let it pass, he thought; April is over, April is over....”
—  F. Scott Fitzgerald (via...
May 1st
We were four Red Bull and vodkas deep and miles to go before...
Apr 30th
KSG is running the marathon with me!
Apr 30th
Apr 30th
If you pass me running on the Montauk Highway en route to...
Apr 30th

I look at it this way, among other ways:

Sunburns are like empty kegs or chaise lounges resting at the bottom of the pool. They are proof...
Apr 30th
“I am extremely confident about my body, the way I dress, the...”
— Lady Gaga (via...
Apr 30th
hot4teacher: caryrandolph: Gratuitous Picture Of Your...
Apr 30th
Apr 30th
Listen Listen
alanajoy:♪ TV on the Radio: “Red Dress” ♪ I don’t own a single red dress. Also,...
Apr 30th
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I’M RUNNING ANOTHER MARATHON! All...
Apr 29th

WANTED: One New York City boy to give me...

Apr 29th
Swine Flu: The Blame Game
Apr 29th

Sometimes out of the...

…blue I miss my ex-boyfriends. I’m not talking about the recent ones but the dudes I...
Apr 29th
If I had a nickel for every (deep) conversation I’ve...
Apr 29th
Sister JBF: Hey Cary, is Wall-E any good?
Cary Randolph: (after picking herself up off the floor) What do you mean is Wall-E any good?
JBF: We haven't seen it, and I was just wondering if it's good.
CR: IT'S THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD.
JBF: Okay, but will he like it?
CR: IT'S THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD.
JBF: So we should watch it? 'Cause we just picked it up.
CR: IT'S THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD.
JBF: Alright, gotta go. Peace out, crazy.
Apr 29th
“Somebody will write the biography of William Styron....”
— D.D., my friend and mentor
Apr 29th
Hey Mom! Do I need a straw hat? For the beach?
Apr 28th
I don’t need these, but I really, really need these.
Apr 28th

Via email:

Cary Randolph: I am too old to be boy-crazy.
Mom: You are NOT too old to be boy-crazy. I'm [mom age] and I still have boy-crazy moments.
CR: But you're married to Dad!
Mom: Well, that doesn't mean I can't LOOK like crazy.
Apr 28th
Apr 28th
“Not a joke. I will not talk to you for two weeks if you do...”
— P.A.P.
Apr 28th
Not happening.
Apr 28th

We all know what a...

…pet peeve is. It’s the “worst thing”. The nail on the chalk board, the...
Apr 28th
“A Posteriori Inductive Reasoning (at least when the words...”
— Lindsay (still) Needs Coffee:...
Apr 28th
(via thertc)
Apr 28th
Holy shit, this is creepily accurate. Why...
Apr 27th
ragetoons:awesome-everyday:Fixed. This is a yellow pepper...
Apr 27th
HIGH SCHOOL.
Apr 27th

STOP MAKING SENSE

What I said: I'm starving! I hardly ate anything today. Just a sandwich and a handful of Chex Mix.
What I meant to say: I'm starving despite eating all day! Just a sandwich, an entire bag of Chex Mix, a huge hunk of Gouda, and a handful of Whoppers.
Apr 27th
“Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn’t matter if...”
— Anne Frank
Apr 27th
Last June I drove home to run in the Race 4 Hope, a local 5K...
Apr 27th

Somewhere near Columbus Circle:

Cary Randolph: Can I ask you a question? And I want an honest answer. No bullshit.
Roommate CCC: Got it.
CR: Have I seemed desperate lately?
CCC: Of course not! Not at all.
CCC: I mean, you've always been extremely boy crazy.
CR: ...
CCC: But I just take that as a real interest in people.
Apr 27th

BOYS BOYS BOYS

Sweaty, sun-burned, tee shirt-wearing boys. Boys in bow ties. Boys in board shorts. Boys with stacks...
Apr 27th
alohanico:folkinz.
Apr 27th
Listen Listen
songsyouusedtolove: Kenny Loggins: “Footloose” In April of 2005 I was a sophomore and a...
Apr 26th
Listen Listen
songsyouusedtolove: Boston: “More Than a Feeling” When I was sixteen I attended a...
Apr 26th
Listen Listen
songsyouusedtolove: Bon Jovi: “Livin’ on a Prayer” The summer I turned seventeen...
Apr 26th
Mom: Your sister didn't win prom queen last night.
Cary Randolph: Thank God.
Mom: Why?
CR: I don't think I could handle having J be the Homecoming queen and E be prom queen. That would just crush my ego.
Mom: Well, look on the bright side. You were editor-in-chief of the school paper.
CR: ...
Apr 26th
“I definitely live in the present. I know people probably...”
— Steven Meisel
Apr 26th
This text thread encapsulates in twenty-one words the whole...
Apr 26th
“Lighten up while you still can Don’t even try to...”
— Frey and Browne
Apr 25th

The Great Lawn.

We destroyed our skin cells under the blazing April sun, and we destroyed some brain cells with our...
Apr 25th

I drank ten gin and sodas last night. I...

Apr 25th
Apr 25th
Warch Watch
Spencer Davis Group: “Gimme Some Lovin’”
Apr 25th
Cary Randolph: I'm a basket case.
Mom: We're not having this conversation.
Apr 25th
“Cary, there is no way you’d ever be happy with a man...”
— Mom
Apr 25th
Look at all the bright, beautiful frocks that arrived today!...
Apr 25th
Damage.
Apr 25th
The happiest hour.
Apr 24th
Best friends forever.
Apr 24th
Bryant Park is cray cray. I’m double fisting,...
Apr 24th
I think I've picked out the font for my...
Apr 24th
Listen Listen
indieandyy: Smashing Pumpkins: “1979”
Apr 24th
Speaking of fax machines…
Apr 24th

Lately I have had a...

…major ‘tude. This is partly an exercise in ego boosting after having my rib cage...
Apr 24th
“Run after the ice cream truck.”
— P.A.P.’s contribution to...
Apr 24th

CARY RANDOLPH'S RUNNING COMMANDMENTS

If you want to claim ownership of a city, run it. Once you've run a city, it's yours.
Run when you least feel like it. Run when you're tired. Run when you're sad.
Run off your hangover. It works. I promise. I should know.
Run with a camera. You never know when you'll see something cool.
Run with a friend. Leave the iPod at home. Talking builds lung capacity.
Slow down when your body tells you too. A mile is a mile no matter how fast.
Underdress. You'll heat up.
Set the treadmill incline to 1. It makes up for the fact that you're not working as hard.
Run before a party. The endorphins are like a natural pre-game.
Can't pick up the speed? Picture your ex(es) running next to you. You want to beat them.
Apr 24th
via nataliedee.  Three of my favorites: beer, Friday, and...
Apr 24th

Do you know what I want right now? Do...

Apr 24th
holleewoodworld: Jazz Fest, May 1997. We will be back in...
Apr 24th
Drunk sister love is the best love.
Apr 24th
This girl is awesome.
Apr 23rd
Delbert, stop reading my mind!
Apr 23rd
Remember that text you sent last night that...
Apr 23rd

I have a very vivid memory of my...

…depression, and not a day goes by that I do not replay it in my mind. Nearly four years later...
Apr 23rd

Tattoo U.

EN: I'm glad you have a plan. None of this "whim" shit.
CR: Right. What a mistake.
CR: I'll save my whims for my one-night stands.
EN: Right, because philandering isn't on display for the rest of your life.
CR: At least not above my panty line.
Apr 23rd
“I support getting together on some luxurious roof top and...”
— NAC, my new best friend, via...
Apr 23rd
via nedhepburn. This movie was much more terrifying when I...
Apr 23rd

DO NOT MIX BOOZE WITH BANANA SPLITS and...

It will take more than one season to care about hockey. And I really LIKE hockey. Those guys are hot. But ever since I learned ol' Papa Randolph used to routinely kill it on the ice, I have been hell bent and determined to CARE about the sport, and having big fat girl feelings about pucks and points and power plays has proven more difficult. I remain optimistic.
It is impossible for me to take too many pictures of myself.
The veggie burger at Schiller's can be improved upon.
My tattoo location has been deemed suitable and not cheesy by the male sex. I will proceed accordingly.
And to get more specific, polishing off four rounds of Tanqueray rocks with a triple-scoop sundae is like playing gastric Russian roulette.
Apr 23rd
And now I’m home and drunk singing in front of the...
Apr 23rd
Don’t believe I ate the whole thing? Ask my esophagus.
Apr 23rd
VH-1 Storytellers
Apr 23rd
“Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.”
— Winnie the Pooh (via...
Apr 23rd
See what I mean?
Apr 23rd
It has turned into one of “those nights”.
Apr 23rd

I picked out the what and the where on...

EDIT: The verdict is New York Adorned on 3rd and Second. As for the ink itself, I will say only that...
Apr 22nd
misscollinsnyc: And so…several milli-seconds after I...
Apr 22nd
“We should go to Greenhouse tonight. It’s very...”
— PH
Apr 22nd

STUFF I THOUGHT ABOUT TODAY EN ROUTE TO...

I bet that cute hipster who checked me out on 39th and Eighth had no idea I was blasting Whitney Houston on my iPod.
After last night I can no longer recommend running while drunk and stoned.
Sometimes I really miss driving.
I really hope EJ doesn't bail on me tonight because I feel a serious need to party.
Of course I'll also be partying all weekend.
So maybe I shouldn't go out tonight?
NAAAAHHHHHHH.
Did anyone pay my taxes?
Apr 22nd

I am currently...

…hearing this: …while reading this: …and watching this:
Apr 22nd
Apr 22nd
“You are never alone either. You are always allowed to call...”
— P.A.P.
Apr 22nd
PH: I was single for a year and a half, and I didn't even realize it. I dated around, and I had my friends and my life, and I was so, so happy. Then when I met [him] I looked back, and I thought, I was single?! I never once noticed that I was alone.
CR: But that's just the point. You were NEVER alone!
Apr 22nd
Gratuitous Photo of Yourself Wednesday: In the...
Apr 22nd
Man, oh man, it is Love on Cary Day!
Apr 21st
“She’s a preppy runner who likes a stiff drink - you’ll love...”
— - me, describing caryrandolph...
Apr 21st

Can I go back to the Sigma Chi house?

lovecity: (cary randolph liking fratty pics.. i knew you would.) You know me too well!
Apr 21st
I know I sound like an asshole here, and I’ll probably...
Apr 21st

TODAY IS SHOESDAY. ALL I CARE ABOUT ARE...

Specifically these Jack Purcells by J. Crew, which I cannot wait to destroy with grass stains,...
Apr 21st
“I’ve been uptight and made a mess, But I’ve...”
— Dylan/Harrison/Lynne/Orbison/Pe...
Apr 21st
Sartorial springtime still life: my bedroom on Lawrenceville...
Apr 21st
…But I fail every time. Scooped up this gem at the...
Apr 21st

My First New York

via jennabee: In the current New York Magazine, there’s great feature called “My First New...
Apr 20th

CAN WE ALL PAUSE FOR A MOMENT AND...

* * * * * * * * Thank you. You are now free to move about the cabin.
Apr 20th

Driving into New Hope:

WHBH: So what kind of music do you like?
CR: Crap, mostly.
Apr 20th
“In the spring at the end of the day, you should smell like...”
— Margaret Atwood
Apr 20th
Apr 20th

There was water. But of course there...

…was water. If I don’t see water, it wasn’t a vacation. There was also sunshine....
Apr 20th
After Natalie’s party we walked off the wine in the...
Apr 20th

"Heart beat sounding...

Ricocheting in their cage Thought I’d lose my balance With the ground’s bounce and...
Apr 20th
Back in the city and admiring Natalie Clark’s amazing...
Apr 19th
Let’s all live here!
Apr 19th
Striking it rich at the Golden Nugget flea market.
Apr 19th
My haul: fresh eggs and Gouda and herdsman cheeses. (Note...
Apr 19th
Baby calves!
Apr 19th
At the Hamill family farm.
Apr 19th
“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.”
— Bill Shakespeare
Apr 19th

I am spending this weekend in the...

…land of lawns, and I cannot imagine what it would be like to grow up in New York City and not...
Apr 18th
Lola and Gracie and deck chair and flowers and trellis and...
Apr 18th
Charlie and my toes.
Apr 18th
Gracie.
Apr 18th
“If a marathon was 20 miles I wouldn’t be worried at all…...”
— Lance Armstrong, Runner’s...
Apr 18th
Everyone needs a yacht atop the kitchen cabinet. Am I right?
Apr 18th

I had an epiphany at the corner of 41st...

…Sixth. Lately, for very specific and personal reasons, I have reflected extensively on my...
Apr 17th
“I’ve never owned a pair of Asics in my life - I saw...”
— EAB
Apr 17th

IF IT DOES NOT HAVE A SAX INTERLUDE, IT...

Apr 17th
“Take that shit off your blog, and replace it with a...
Apr 17th
These girls get it.
Apr 17th

It has been almost three weeks, and yet...

…still feel like shit. And I find myself escaping to the office bathroom when my chest gets...
Apr 17th
Guy Smiley says, “TGIF.”
Apr 17th
“I just LOL-ed while reading your Jell-O dream in class. Did...”
— Sister JBF
Apr 17th

Two thoughts before I bound out the...

…door for a quick run and then hightail it to the office: First thought: KSG and I went out...
Apr 17th

Upon receiving our first round of...

All: Salut! Cheers!
PH: Wait, how do you say cheers in Spanish?
(Long pause)
CR: Mazel tov!
All: Mazel tov!
Apr 17th
June 2006. Lower Manhattan. The hangover was killer.
Apr 16th
“When you get laid off from your job or dumped by your...”
— Adam Sternbergh
Apr 16th
I am in this week's New York magazine.
Apr 16th
Apr 16th
Listen Listen
Wilco: “Say You Miss Me” (via)
Apr 16th

I had a dream last night so vivid and...

…I just have to write it down. I had a dream that I was back in [Home Town] for the Christmas...
Apr 16th
“If I see one more blog post about ‘boyfriend...”
— P.A.P.
Apr 16th
I’m spending my weekend in Lawrenceville, New Jersey,...
Apr 16th

I WAS JUST DELIVERED A PERSONALIZED NHL...

Apr 15th
delbertshoopman: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Apr 15th

Delbert, I will go on a date with you.

Apr 15th
Apr 15th
“Seen simply, melancholy is an extreme, not a mean. A good...”
— Peter D. Kramer, Against...
Apr 15th
Gratuitous Picture Of Your Good Hair Day Evening Wednesday
Apr 15th
“Every spring is the only spring - a perpetual astonishment.”
— Ellis Peters
Apr 15th
Mom, what are these? Captured in Bryant Park this morning.
Apr 15th
You down with P.A.P.? Yeah, you know me.
Apr 15th
Warch Watch
aliexplainsitall: El Rancho (Let’s Go) For all my readers who have been able to experience CoMO...
Apr 14th
Wrong month. Same day. Right sentiment.
Apr 14th

We all sat down for Easter brunch, and...

…conversation immediately turned to rules governing tuxedoes versus dark suits at evening...
Apr 14th
“Number one rule of a successful relationship: Don’t...”
— KBM
Apr 14th
Here. Tonight.
Apr 14th
whiskeyandgoatsmilk:iammattjordan:alla1:andrewmatias:craytonc...
Apr 14th

TGIGchat:

CCC: Real spouses, not so appealing to me yet.
CR: Naw. Men are for using, abusing, and making out with while boozing.
CCC: Amazing. And amusing.
CCC: Never confusing.
CR: ALWAYS confusing.
CR: And, eventually, losing.
Apr 13th
Boyfriend treats. Shut up. I know.
Apr 13th

In the words of Tina Turner, "YOU BETTER...

58. Must let me beat him in "Mario-Kart."
...
Keep searchin. I'd green shell my mom off Rainbow Road if she played.
...
FatManatee.tumblr.com's response to my epic male quality list.
Apr 13th

Seven hours and forty-five minutes left...

…feel like shit so I’m going to say it one more time and then, at nine-thirty, delete...
Apr 13th
DAD JEANS!
Apr 13th
“Remember, sweetheart, that you cannot spell ‘boy...”
— Mom
Apr 13th
Cary “Hot Mess” Randolph: at Tonic in December...
Apr 13th

I think it is straight BULLSHIT that...

Lady? No. I am not going to call my girl friends “Lady”. Lady sounds poor. Sister? No....
Apr 13th
Bryant Park, this morning. En route to the office. Not a bad...
Apr 13th
“It’s spring fever. That is what the name of it is. ...”
— Mark Twain
Apr 13th
Don’t forget that it’s Monday.
Apr 13th
Songs You Used to Love
Apr 13th
Listen Listen
songsyouusedtolove: Backstreet Boys: “I Want It That Way” Shut the fuck up.
Apr 13th

In the words of Tina Turner, "YOU BETTER...

1. Must dance with me, especially to 'Eighties and Motown fratty music.
2. Must be brilliant.
3. Must have a minimum of one bachelor's degree from an accredited college or university.
4. Must be gainfully employed or if recently laid off due to the economy and not, for example, criminal activity, then must be actively seeking new gainful employment.
5. Must know how to roll a joint.
6. Must not chew tobacco.
7. Must occasionally let me choose the radio station.
8. Must like the Rolling Stones.
9. Must own a turntable.
10. Must know how and love to swim.
11. Must push me into the pool while I'm fully clothed at least once.
12. Must think babies are adorable despite making gagging noises when I point at strollers and say, "Look at the baby!"
13. Must read books.
14. Must read the books that I recommend.
15. Must know how to cook a steak and must demonstrate said skill frequently.
16. Must prefer his steak and burgers medium-rare.
17. Must answer questions I ask even when I don't want to hear the answers.
18. Must be at least six feet tall.
19. Must be sweet.
20. Must tell me at least once a day how wonderful I am.
21. Must never put up with my bullshit.
22. Must send me funny emails during the workday.
23. Must say sweet, goofy shit when I'm sad in an effort to cheer me up, like, "Don't cry! See? I just farted!" Fucking adorable.
24. Must prefer the beach to the mountains.
25. Must wear the ties and cuff links that I buy him.
26. Must love his family.
27. Must at the very least tolerate mine.
28. Must drink beer.
29. Must take me dancing when I want to go dancing.
30. Must be comfortable saying, "You're right," and, "I'm sorry." Once in a while.
31. Must take his martinis dirty and straight up.
32. Must have a good explanation if he is late.
33. Must make fun of me in a good-natured way at least once a day.
34. Must feign interest when I say, "I just bought [article of clothing or piece of jewelry or shoe] at [Store]! Isn't it so cute?"
35. Must then roll his eyes.
36. Must go running with me.
37. Must keep up (because I'm fast).
38. Must regularly say, "No, I'm going out with my bros tonight. I'll call you tomorrow."
39. Must call me tomorrow.
40. Must have good manners.
41. Must give me an adorable and meaningful nickname (or call me by my middle name).
42. Must not stop trying to impress me once he knows I'm his.
43. Must occasionally tolerate my conniption fits.
44. Must occasionally not tolerate my conniption fits.
45. Must never give in to my conniption fits.
46. Must cannon-ball off the diving board and splash me while I'm laying out.
47. Must like bagels.
48. Must not admit it if he does not think I am a ten.
49. Must not even consider the fact that I would rate below an eleven.
50. Must take me out with his friends every now and then so we can all get shit-faced and sing Journey songs at the bar.
51. Must roll his eyes when I get cranky and say, "Time to feed Cary," and then buy me cookies and hot fudge sundaes.
52. Must let me know in a courteous manner when I need to stop over-thinking.
53. Must tolerate my over-thinking regardless.
54. Must not wipe off my lipstick print when I kiss him on the cheek in public.
55. Must hold the door open for me.
56. Must, from time to time, when I say ridiculous nonsense, respond with, "Fuck you!"
57. Must teach me how to play his favorite video game.
58. Must let me beat him in "Mario-Kart."
59. Must keep a photo - just one! - of me on display in his office.
60. Must occasionally let me win arguments just for the sake of winning.
61. Must let me buy him dinner.
62. Must allow me to order first.
63. Must have a great smile.
64. Must have awesome friends.
65. Must like my friends.
66. Must think I'm pretty even when I have the flu, and I haven't showered in three days, and I'm wearing my glasses and my retainers and a clay mask.
67. Must have an appreciation for the arts and cool pictures on his walls.
68. Must be patient.
69. Must adore me.
70. Must read at least one daily newspaper.
71. Must check my blog hourly.
72. Must point out all the blog posts that he likes best.
73. Must point out all the blog posts that he likes least.
74. Must be mine and nobody else's.
75. Must give me a Valentine.
76. Must let me take care of him when he is sick.
77. Must carry the shopping bags.
78. Must let me hold on to him instead of the rail while riding the subway.
79. Must give honest and uncensored critiques of my writing when asked for it.
80. Must slow dance with me at wedding receptions, bar mitzvahs, and other occasions that involve parquet dance floors.
81. Must let me keep a toothbrush and contact case in his medicine cabinet.
82. Must find it endearing when I get drunk and try to "dance" for him while playing "Under My Thumb" on repeat.
83. Must introduce me to his weirdo indie music.
84. Must not need me to introduce him to either Phil Collins or Hall and Oates.
85. Must not think that flowers and other trinkets are suitable apologies when he has erred.
86. Must spend afternoons with me getting stoned and watching "The Brave Little Toaster" and other preferred animated classics.
87. Must have a nerd streak a mile wide.
88. Must get emo and introspective every now and then and not want to talk about it.
89. Must own a skateboard.
90. Must own at least one pair of Ray-Bans.
91. Must play at least one sport and play it well and look sexy as hell while playing it.
92. Must wait for me at the finish lines with a bottle of water and a smooch.
93. Must take me to brunch.
94. Must roll the windows down.
95. Must let me steal his baseball caps.
96. Must think that his girl has the coolest job in the entire world.
97. Must read the Sporting News.
98. Must take off his hat when he goes indoors and especially when he sits down at the dinner table.
99. Must hold my hand.
Apr 12th

I gave myself two weeks to feel like...

I’m going running. And later this week, I’m going on a date.
Apr 12th
See, Mom? I’m at church.
Apr 12th
“Ladies is pimps too; Go and brush your shoulders off.”
— Jay-Z
Apr 12th

At Banc:

KAM: I can't believe he just admitted he's drinking a screwdriver.
CR: I thought it was a jackhammer! Right? Ketel and orange?
KAM: No, a screwdriver!
CR: POWER TOOLS!
CR: I'm sorry, I have to blog that.
KAM: Please do.
Apr 12th
Fuck yes, Bro J’s.
Apr 12th
soupsoup:kapi0.
Apr 11th
KAM: I still haven't been to Gray's Papaya.
CR: (somewhat mechanically) It's like dog treats for boyfriends.
KAM: But what about dog treats for girlfriends?
CR: ...
CR: That would be talking about feelings.
KAM: Or cupcakes.
Apr 11th
Warch Watch
motionsensorsoundtrack: Phil Collins: “In The Air Tonight”
Apr 11th

Characteristics that define a real man,...

A man carries cash.  A man looks out for those around him — woman, friend, stranger. A man can cook...
Apr 11th
“I just wanted to say that whatever is going on in your world...”
— Henrietta via email
Apr 10th
inothernews:awesome-everyday:rillawafers:thehandshake:www.div...
Apr 10th
DELBERT ALONE WILL PULL ME OUT OF THIS MALAISE.
Apr 10th
“Phil Collins’ solo efforts seem to be more commercial...”
— Patrick Bateman
Apr 10th
Apr 10th
THIS CRAZY KID TURNS 24 TODAY. I’LL NEVER FORGET THE...
Apr 10th
“Do you know how big New York is? Well I don’t, but I...”
— Sister JBF
Apr 10th
I THINK IF I WERE A GUY, I WOULD HAVE BEEN A HUGE DOUCHEBAG....
Apr 10th

TODAY IS FRIDAY SO I AM GOING TO WRITE...

Apr 10th
“TAKE THAT BROKEN HEART SHIT OFF YOUR BLOG.”
— Mom
Apr 9th
Listen Listen
delbertshoopman: Notorious B.I.G. - ”Party and Bullshit” TONIGHT. 
Apr 9th
This is me making fun of myself.
Apr 9th

In 2004 and 2005, I was held under...

caryrandolphwrites: …a veritable lock and key of clinical depression. Unlike so many “lucky”...
Apr 9th
Apr 9th
“And the question is, ‘Is to have had and lost Better...”
— Jay-Z
Apr 9th
Cary Randolph: I don't make the rules.
Coworker: Cary, you are the rule.
Apr 8th
Gratuitous Photo Of Yourself Wednesday: Easter 1993
Apr 8th
Apr 8th
“You’re going to hurt for a while. And every time you...”
— P.A.P.
Apr 8th
The Blue Whale (Balaenoptera musculus) is a marine mammal...
Apr 8th

My heart is broken.

Apr 7th
Gah. My father. Great guy. I mean, he’s my hero. Of my...
Apr 6th
Warch Watch
“The Murray Hill Song”
Apr 6th
I like this because she's so sure of...
Apr 6th

26.reasons why I am a bad ass...

I can run a mile in six minutes.
I have the appetite of a charging hippo and gleefully eat everything in sight.
I like rad music.
I dance like a whooping crane on an acid trip.
I want to dance all the time.
I work at the Sporting News. Isn't that every guy's wet dream?
I'm a Republican, and I read the Wall Street Journal every morning, rain or shine.
I make the most bad ass motherfucking pie crust from scratch.
I know all the words to every Hall and Oates song, and I blast that shit, like, nightly.
I drink Hendrick's gin like water from a tap.
I'm from the Show Me State. (Show me seven; I'll show you eight.)
I look really hot in a baseball cap.
I can write, like, incredibly profound and inspiring and hilarious prose in mere minutes.
I never have to proofread.
I wear a gold pinkie ring, Godfather style.
I am extremely well-read.
I wrote my college thesis (for one of my two majors) on Stalin's nationality policies preceding 1933.
Parents love me.
I can start an outboard motor.
I never skip dessert.
I can spell, like, any word under the sun just by hearing it. I'm a fucking Word spell check incarnate.
I always pick incredible wines from wine lists.
I have hot friends.
I take tequila shots on the regular, and I never, EVER chase them.
I bet if I wanted to I could learn how to blow a smoke ring.
I learned how to ride a motorcycle on my dad's Harley.
See those scars? The one on my hip and the one on my shoulder? Dude. Mountain biking in Georgia. I'm a fucking baller.
I frequently jump into pools with all my party clothes on.
Sometimes I get really emo and introspective, but then I'm like, "Let's party."
I listen to country music. Occasionally.
I have the best legs in the Empire State. This is not opinion; this is fact.
I make the world's best bloody Mary.
Wayfarers? Check. Sperrys? Check. Red khakis, rolled up at the ankle? Check. I can bro out with the best of them.
I also own a dazzling array of cocktail dresses.
I know how to pick a crab, devein a shrimp, and dismantle a lobster. I am the Crustacean Sensation.
My favorite movie is Scarface.
My other favorite movie is Can't Buy Me Love.
I write incredibly moving poetry. Like this one. "April showers bring May happy hours." See? You're crying inside.
I have the shittiest singing voice, but man, when I know the lyrics, I fucking belt them OUT.
I am (almost) always in the mood for a hot fudge sundae.
I am incredibly loyal to the people I love, and I will cut anyone who messes with my team.
I make great travel itineraries, and I am almost always punctual.
I waste entire Monday mornings thinking of all the reasons why I am awesome.
Apr 6th
This is Eta Carinae, a large bright nebula that surrounds...
Apr 6th
Roommate CCC: Manhattan Mini Storage will be here in ten minutes. Do you have anything you want them to take?
Cary Randolph: Could they store my feelings? For a while?
Apr 5th
Patron helps.
Apr 5th

My heart hurts.

Apr 4th
Friday night: playing whatever the fuck I want.
Apr 4th
Starting today you’re going to see a lot more of this...
Apr 3rd
It's draft season for P.A.P., and I'm not...
Apr 3rd
Disclaimer.
Apr 2nd
“Do you realize right next to your waist is a sign that says...”
— PAP via email
Apr 2nd
Put me in, Coach.
Apr 2nd
Media
Apr 2nd
A perfect day for baseball
Apr 2nd
At spring training in the Legends suite.
Apr 2nd

When I think of...

…ADV, who in an unusually short amount of time became not only one of my very best friends but...
Apr 2nd