“I opted for a scrubbed-clean, polished look. I thought it was more important to have an intelligence that showed, a humor that never failed, and a healthy interest in men.”—Nancy “Slim” Keith, Slim: Memories of a Rich and Imperfect Life (1990)
Hi! I am going to a racing event in the end of August (i wanted to ask with enough time for an answer :D). It is a fancy ladies day event. I have never been to this type of event and I wanted to know if you had any suggestions on what I should wear. I don't want to spend a lot of money buying a crazy dress, as I am a simpler person, but I do want to look good and nice. Do you have any suggestions to help me out? Thanks!
A skirt and cardigan combo is elegant without being stodgy, provided you leave the top couple buttons undone, and any bright dress will also do. Just steer clear of sparkles, sequins, and workaday neutrals, and finish with a flat sandal or wedge heel, and you should be good to go. Not into the whole dress idea? A linen pant and loose silk top will blow away the competition. Happy styling, and have fun!
A friend and I are thinking of spending one night in NYC in the fall this year, and although we are splitting the bill for a double bed room, I have no idea which hotels to consider that won't break the bank (we're college students working part-time). Any suggestions? Midtown area is fine, but downtown is great too. Anything! Thanks!
The Ace Hotel is surprisingly cheap, given its coolness. The Jane Hotel, with its bunk bed rooms and communal bathrooms, are also ideal for the fiscally responsible. Bonus at both inns: You won’t have to go far at all for a good time late night.
I'm 29 years old and have dated just about every man under the New York sun. Nothing seems to work out. I'm constantly losing to other women and starting to feel like there's no one left. I can be happy alone, but I don't WANT to be alone. I go to bars, work on my online profile, sign up for hiking and sports activities. I'm doing everything, and nothing is happening. I'm down in the dumps. What if no one is left? Seeking advice from a dating Queen who found love in this awfully tough city.
First, let’s parse your message. You’ve dated just about every man under the New York sun? Write a list of all the men you’ve dated. Seriously. Write their names down. How many make the cut? Now multiply that number by a few thousand. That’s how many potential soul mates are out there in this empire city, taking all the important factors into consideration (age, relationship to mother, sports teams).
Sentence three: You’re constantly losing to other women. Really? Are you really losing the guys who, I don’t know, throw up in the cab after taking you to T.G.I.Friday’s and leave before dawn after a wasted romp and don’t call for ten days and then magically reappear and tuck their t-shirts into their underwear, etc. etc.? The guys with no money or dreams? The jerk-offs and asshats and wiseacres and losers? Are you really losing them? Honey, you don’t want those guys. And furthermore, it’s not a contest.
Four: I’m starting to feel like there’s no one left. Next time you leave your apartment, count all the men you pass on your way to the coffee shop next door. Check their left ring fingers. Everyone without a wedding ring might still be in the game. Every polo-wearing prepster in line at the bar at the Grey Lady is in the game. There are many men left in New York City.
Five: You can be happy alone, but you don’t want to be alone. Focus on the “I can be happy” part. Whatever makes you happy, do it. Even if you’re alone. I don’t want to be a blonde; I want dark hair like my sister. But I’m happy with blonde hair. Having blonde hair is not critical to my happiness. The same with your relationship status.
You do everything, and nothing is happening. Where are your friends? What are they doing? Are they all tied up with boyfriends? Are they introducing you to dudes? Friends of friends of friends? Are you taking a few nights off each week to do your own thing? Treat yourself like your own girlfriend, and soon the guys will stop smelling your on-the-hunt scent and pop out of corners you didn’t even know existed.
Last point: I am no dating queen—I am a girl who finally started taking her own advice.
Suggestions for summer work staples (business casual) that will keep one cool and sleek? Many thanks!
Jersey knit dresses like this one by Blue Label will look equally office appropriate with a ballet flat or an espadrille wedge. Add a blazer to meet a more conservative dress code; a denim jacket will look good in casual but A/C cold cubicles. If you prefer pants, the J.Crew chino looks awesome with a silk blouse and high heel. Just cuff the khaki to flash a little ankle.
I have a number of weddings coming up and I'm having the hardest time finding the right shoes. I'd love to find a heel that would work with my main two workhorse wedding guest dresses this summer, both of which are tailored, hourglass-enhancing sheaths - navy and a blush lace. A neutral of some sort, perhaps a light gold? I'd rather not go the sandal route, and would prefer to keep the height below 3".
The mister and I like to talk about our get-out-of-jail-free picks. You know, like, if he ran into Cindy Crawford tomorrow, and they had a wild tryst, he'd get out of jail free. I could never fault him for going even part of the way with Cindy Crawford. My list? Well, it's a lot longer than his. Herewith, the men of my unfaithful dreams:
Hi Cary!- I'm in search of some advice. My boyfriend of 8 years just asked me to move in with him (high school sweethearts). I'm a little hesitant to do so, partly because he still hasn't asked the BIG question and partly because both of our families are extremely traditional so I'm sure you can expect the hoopla that would ensue. I know you don't know all the details but what is your advice?
Easy answer: Don’t move in. Not because your parents would disapprove, but because you have doubts. Sharing a home with your boyfriend will not guarantee that he asks the BIG question, and take it from me—there is nothing worse than moving out. Also? If both sets of parents would be unhappy with their precious angels living in sin, why risk those relationships? I assume things are already great with your man if he’s inviting you to cohabitate; tell him thanks but no thanks, enjoy your independence for a little while longer, and save that call to U-Haul for another day.
I'm an introvert, but I'm also very social - I faked my way through for years before I finally got to know myself well enough to understand I was so damn burned out if I went too long without alone time. But now that I know this about myself and am sick of forcing myself to fight it, how do I still grow my social life while still maintaining some quiets nights in for just myself? I'm always either in a phase of overstimulation due to FOMO or accidentally isolating myself too much! Help?
Start by making one plan a week with a friend or small group. Keep it intimate—dinner and drinks at a favorite restaurant, a jog in the park followed by mani-pedis, etc. Then set aside one or two nights for spontaneous socializing—a college pal is in town on short notice so leave work early to meet for a drink; a coworker has an extra ticket to a concert, etc. The remaining nights you can fill as you please, but be sure to fill them. Volunteer at an after-school program, book a cooking class, take yourself out for sushi, hit back-to-back barre classes, etc. As you grow more comfortable with a packed schedule, you may grow to better appreciate your quiet nights in and more social activities. Don’t force yourself to troll crowded bars just because everyone else is doing that. There’s no faster train to Unhappyville.
Located just below Canal Street at 87 Walker, S10 manages to feel both cozy and spacious with high ceilings, low key music and a small arbor of classic weight stands and machines tucked in the back. (Non sequitur: I tend to envision exercise machines as gnarled iron trees.) Stephen [Cheuk] greets me at the front desk just as a small group is disbanding from its workout, and soon the room is empty but for us…
My story for SNEAKERREPORT.COM is now live! Go read, get inspired, and call Stephen for a training session. He’s the best!
No pets until I can pay someone to care for them, but in the meantime it's fun to play "name the puppy" (and is slightly less creepy than naming my unborn children, which, you know, I still do from time to time).
Hi Cary, what is the place to be these days for a drink with girlfriends that is below 23rd and where a typical male crowd is 30ies rather than 20ies? :) thank u!! xo
Rose Bar is a favorite. Up & Down for a late night. And on game days, my friends like to hit Ainsworth Park for the man candy (and multiple TV screens). WXOU Radio Bar for dirty dudes. ACME, maybe? And if you’re hungry for more than male attention, try Diablo Royale, where the Patrick Bateman protegés are as hot as the micheladas.
Advice for recent grads? Of the spiritual, emotional sort. In a way, I have the kind of job/relationship/life I dreamed of as a kid, but it's a roller coaster over here and I can't stop questioning myself or turn off all that other neurotic STUFF swimming through my head now that I'm fresh in the real world. I live in NYC, if it makes a difference (I think that makes the neuroses worse). Oh, and I've decided I need more close friends, but don't know where to start.
Patience, grasshopper. Your early- to mid-twenties will be rife with angst and self-doubt as you settle into your new city life, but I promise you will emerge on the other side of (approx.) 27 with a clear sense of self. To quell the beast inside, sweat. Run in the evening to catch a sunset, hit a pre-dawn spin class, turn off the A/C and dance with a pair of five-pound weights in your hand—whatever will work your heart rate. Still have nerves to spare? Keep moving! Take a sailing class or sign up for a tennis clinic. Help out with this organization after work or this non-profit on a weekend afternoon. Road trip with a friend to DIA:Beacon and Storm King, tackle your reading list, call your parents every day and say, “I love you.” Scribble at least one line in a journal every day. Then fall into bed at night too tired to think about that STUFF swimming in your head.
Oh, and get a therapist. That’s a New York mitzvah.
My family doesn’t really do Father’s Day; I find myself saying this every year yet still make a public declaration of love for my dad. Well, this year I rebel by marking the occasion on Monday. Watching him sit in the front pew at my sister’s wedding ceremony, his eyes aglow, his chin quivering, calm and strong yet so deeply moved, I realized how hard it must have been to give Jane away to her groom, how much easier to keep her for himself. I thought of all the times I’ve made him proud, how I never cease to seek his approval. Loving my father is an ultramarathon with no finish line.
Hi Cary! The guy I'm seeing is a sports writer and is having surgery soon. I want to get him a book to read during recovery, but am at a loss for what to snag. He has a collection of Hemingway's short stories on his nightstand, but also a wide array on his dresser (Conroy's "The Water is Wide", Diaz's "This is How You Lose Her", the best sports writing stories from 2013). I know he's more of a fan of essays, short stories, and memoirs rather than fiction novels. Any suggestions? Thanks!
What a sweet gift for your convalescent! Here are my picks:
Where, in your opinion, is the best place to find jewelry that's classic, but not stuffy, and fun, but not overly girl-ish? I'm getting sick of bubble necklaces and pave link bracelets, and that's all anyone seems to sell anymore. Thanks Cary!!
Hi Cary! Recently I've been trying to change my style. It was getting a little too twee and cliched preppy (too much Lilly) for someone my age. Now my problem is I dress too mature. My style is definitely classic, but I'm having a hard time making myself look "youthful and fresh" as opposed to "mature and frumpy." I generally take my style cues from the likes of Carolyn Bessette, Kate Middleton, Lauren Bush, and you (sorry to be creepy). Thoughts on wardrobe essentials or outfit ideas?
Thank you for your kind words! I feel unworthy of that company but will take the compliment. As for your style, you can modernize your preppy style simply by toning down the colors and turning up the quality. I too had a Lilly moment once (and still love her crisp white dresses for a summer afternoon) but over the years have gravitated toward a less—shall we say ebullient and more austere—look. Okay. Here are my top ten tips.
8. Find a makeup routine that is quick and light and natural. Keep your eyebrows groomed at all times. Lose the neon lipstick.
9. The same rule applies to hair: easy and quick to style.
10. Pick two or three colors that you love—for me those are lemon yellow, true red, and the blue scale—and add pieces in those shades to your neutral wardrobe. Be strict with yourself! Leave the impulse shopping to lipstick and face masks.
Tips for styling a grey, sparkly, drop waist dress for an outdoor rehearsal dinner in June... without looking like I'm going to a Gatsby costume party? (It's the Adrianna Papell Beaded Chiffon Dress from Nordstrom) Particularly in need of shoe help!
A nothing sandal in nude, silver, or white, like this one, this one, or this one, will go with a million outfits after the wedding weekend and let that Daisy Buchanan-style dress shine on its own. Have fun!
Do you have a fav maxi summer dress and where from? :) thanks!
My long-time fav is a gray sueded silk column by BB Dakota that I found hidden in a corner at Loehmann’s (RIP) several years ago. It’s simple and cool and looks as good with sneakers as it does with stilettos.
If I were in the market for a maxi today, I’d stick with the same sleek silhouette in a soft color, like this one or this one, both by Ralph Lauren Blue Label. If money were no object, this one would also be mine.
It only occurred to me yesterday that my Uncle Marc, who died in February 2010, would not be known by his grandchildren or his grandnieces and nephews. And that they, even worse, will not know him. And every day, my own memories of him become more mythic till one day I’ll look back and only remember remembering him—I may not remember him at all. He was my mother’s brother, but we lived so far away from him and he was so much larger than life that even when he was alive he seemed mostly legendary to me. Still, he was real, and as much as my children will not know him, I never knew him in his everyday form. And that loss, that loss of potential, I miss it even more.
Yesterday, some of my family (and all of his friends) gathered at Christopher Newport University to unveil the school’s new trading room his friends created in his honor. I couldn’t be there, but I called my mom before and after, and Marc was on our minds all day.
Pain and grief and mourning never go away; they adapt with time. Where he, still living, once resided in my heart, where he, then gone, left an empty space, there is now something solid and resilient. It is him, but it is the absence of him, dark matter where a star used to be.